Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
