so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
