Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
