cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
