It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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