At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
