Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
