I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
