I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
