i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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