he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
