Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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