My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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