I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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