So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
