the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
