the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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