I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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