Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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