can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
