I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
