My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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