I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone shattered a urinal.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
