my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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