can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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