thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize