I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
