His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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