My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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