Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
