We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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