Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
