I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
