i would punch a child for taco bell
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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