The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
