i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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