Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
