Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
