My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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