all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
