you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
