Your tits are I can't wait for
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
