I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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