Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
