you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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