Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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