After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
