I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
