I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
