Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
