My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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