exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
