Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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