My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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