I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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