I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
