She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
