i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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