After last night, I could never be a politician.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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