You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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