Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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