I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
