in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
