Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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