I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
