So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
