youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
