You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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