barbara walters just said penis...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
