Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
