I haven't been this sober since birth.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
