I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
