I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
