It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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