So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
