Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
