I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
