i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
