If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
