my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
