I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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