do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
