I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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