my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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