Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My dick has a subreddit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
