On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
