just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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