you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize