Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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