i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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