I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
