I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize