my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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