I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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