man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
