is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
