I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
