Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Pooping to opera.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
