I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
