am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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