If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
