remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
