There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize