she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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