Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
