Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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