someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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