Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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