a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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