Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
