people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
