i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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