one two three fourrrrnication!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
