Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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