I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
