What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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