He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
