I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
