the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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