Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
