Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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