glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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