Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
