dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize