is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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