Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize